The Waiting Walk

I sit here in a quiet house. The music plays softly. The Christmas lights still glow. And I am content.

This morning my brother and family left, so I did see family in person today. And later in the afternoon I spent several hours with wonderful friends eating, laughing, playing games, enjoying friendship.

But now it’s just me. This is the first year in forever – literally ever – that I’ve been alone at home on New Year’s Eve. I am not traveling visiting any friends or family. All of my five not-so-little ones are scattered over the West Coast. And yet it feels good. They are healthy. They are safe. They are learning independence. We share moments and pictures and stories. We plan our next time together.

We are connected, even when not together. I love this life. I love my community. I love my solitude.

This time next year I will have a college graduate pursing her career, and only one kiddo left in high school. The next phase of life is here, and the empty nest is almost a reality. Time continues on and kids grow up. It is amazing and beautiful and surprising and occasionally bittersweet.

This last year held a lot of changes and surprises. I started the year in a job I absolutely loved, owning my own home and content to stay there for many years to come. Then things changed, and a job hunt became necessary. I think that the thing I love the most about that whole situation is that I see it as the next stage on this adventure of life rather than being bitter about the (many) things that weren’t as they could/should have been.

Moving to Colorado has been a very sweet experience so far. I’ve been blessed to have made many new friends and acquaintances already and feel comfortable here. I am absolutely loving my third and fourth grade students, much more than I imagined I would. Maybe part of it is that I have become “softer” over the last few years, but seeing the joy and wonder on those little faces over simple and regular things just thrills my heart. (Fifth graders find joy in little things much less often than third graders do…) And the team of teachers I am blessed to spend each day with is truly the best. I feel such support and love and friendship here (as it absolutely should be in a Christian school, though so often is anything but). I am blessed.

I branched out of my comfort zone in some areas but dove deeper down in others. I went on new hikes with friends and alone. I attended concerts and performances. I even signed up for a fitness class to work my body in ways that I haven’t normally done (feeling sore as I type this). I am engaging in my new church, and just signed up to lead a small group for a few months. I am finally able to mentally process books if they’re in audio form and listened to nearly 30 this year. Oh, and I bought a new car and said goodbye to the van that has served us so well traveling the country and hauling around five children for 10 years.

I’ve established a new normal, and it feels good.

Each year I like to pick a word as a focus and direction for the months ahead.

Last year year I chose the word Leadership. It was a good word. It resonated occupationally at the time, being the administrator of a school. It was also symbolic of me feeling comfortable enough to let my leadership personality come out more freely again after having to lay low and focus on healing for a few years. I think leadership will always be a piece of who I am, no matter what my occupation. It is a part of me I wish to continue to cultivate so that truly, any leadership I offer is healthy, compassionate, and always towards Jesus. Though the occupation has changed, I feel like I was able to feel more confident this year just in taking charge of my own life. It’s been fun. It’s been freeing. It’s been healthy.

So what about 2025? It’s always a challenge to narrow down all the lovely and exciting options and get the focus down to just one word. But this year I didn’t have to think long.

Discovery.

The word Discovery wraps up a whole lot of what I’ve been thinking and feeling lately. It includes the aspect of discovering new locations, new experiences, and new friends. It also includes the aspect of discovering more about me, who I am, what I believe, and who I want to be moving forward. Lastly, it includes the idea of discovering more about our beautiful God and who He truly is, and what He really wants for us, for ME, in this life.

So here’s to 2025 – a year of love, life, contentment, happiness, and DISCOVERY!

What’s your word or focus going to be?