The Waiting Walk

I wrote the blurb for our newsletter that went out on Valentine’s Day. I wanted to share it here as well:

February is known as the month of love.  Maybe we could  ignore this if we lived somewhere else, but here in Loveland (Colorado) we don’t have that option.  Heart sculptures fill the city, and this month red hearts line major roads and thoroughfares.  The reminder of love is everywhere.  

But what is love?

The Bible tells us that God is Love (1 John 4:8).  But what does that look like here, now, in our very human lives?  Especially in today’s world, I’d like to propose that in considering this multifaceted concept, one element that should rise to the top is the idea of empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share in the feelings of another.  Empathy is being able to see where another is coming from and feel their pain or joy in some capacity, even if we don’t agree with their stance or reasons.

As we came in from recess a few weeks ago, I had some students tell me how fun it was to stomp on some of their snow creations.  And I heard others expressing how heartbroken they felt because some of their snow creations had been stomped on!  Uh oh! I saw it as the perfect moment to not only repair some social damage, but also to work on developing valuable life-skills. 

The actions were clear and no one argued those facts, so we started the conversation by allowing the students who felt hurt to share how they felt one at a time.  Many felt hurt, sad, betrayed, and even angry.  When the comments slowed, I informed the class that even though it seemed obvious the destruction should never have happened, now it was our turn to hear the other side.  Those students were obviously regretful, but they shared that they really hadn’t thought anyone would care.  They had seen themselves as the primary builders, therefore felt like they had the right to destroy. Also, it was about to melt anyway – why not have some fun first?  

I asked the class if they each understood why the other students had acted or responded the way they had.  They all saw the other side, even if they didn’t agree with the actions.  Apologies were made, forgiveness was offered. We then brainstormed scenarios that included all students feeling satisfied.  We have decided that next time it snows, anything built together will be stomped on together as well.  Truly, it was a beautiful experience to have the pleasure of facilitating.  

As the adults in our children’s lives, this is what we should be modeling every day.  When we see a friend or stranger do something we disagree with, we can express that while also wondering what is going on in their life that might cause them to do this.  When we hear about big things happening in the news, and when we hear of other people responding to those actions with opposite feelings than ours, we need to pause and ask why they might feel that way.  What is different in their life and perspective that might cause them to draw a different conclusion or seek a different action than we would?  We need to validate those feelings and experiences, we need to hold space for others to have a different lived experience than us, even if we ultimately don’t change our stance on the issue at hand.

Because our love isn’t true love if it only blesses the ones who agree with us.

True love shows respect and kindness even in the face of a different opinion, even when we don’t agree with the other side.  This is what our children need to see, hear, and experience from each of us right now.  This is how we lay a foundation for eternity.

Like I tell my students on a regular basis when conflicts arise: You don’t have to agree, and you don’t have to be best friends, but do you have to be kind.  Always.

With much love and empathy, 

Ms. Fresse