The Waiting Walk

It’s the little things.

The smile that shows up less and less.

The fact that watching TV brings excitement but hanging out with friends doesn’t.

When the love of working out and staying fit is replaced with a desire to stay seated on the couch indefinitely.

When the phone feels safe but interactions with the siblings bring grouchiness and conflict.

Maybe those things really aren’t that little after all, but they happen slowly, almost imperceptibly over time.

Sure, we noticed. But isn’t this just how all teens act these days?

Then suddenly it wasn’t little at all. Suddenly the siblings are scared and feel in danger. Suddenly life feels fragile and out of control. And then the revelation that it has been out of control for a long time. Much longer than assumed. And an attempt to end what felt like a miserable life had thankfully failed.

And no one had known.

I’m so thankful Michael wasn’t successful in his attempt to escape the pain and emptiness.

Our last ten days were spent in the Nedley Depression and Anxiety Recovery Program in an attempt to right the ship, to course correct, to bring life and joy and hope back into what felt like such darkness.

And again, it’s the little things.

Getting up at 5:30 when sleeping longer feels so much more appealing.

Following the schedule even though it is so packed full and a break or nap is so tempting.

Acknowledging on the first day that the kid sitting alone at lunch would have been him if I weren’t there too to keep him company and to push him along.

One week later, walking past my table to go sit with the guys, and then only sitting with me at meals once or twice after that.

Laughing at the corny jokes of a presenter. Laughter is such a beautiful sound.

Answering questions with complete and intelligible sentences. Even when asked by strangers.

Looking people in the eye.

Talking with his mother, unprompted, about what life should look like at home and what changes we should make.

Saying that he has made friends over the course of ten days. Friends.

And perhaps the most unexpected was him volunteering, completely unprompted, for me to post his testimony as a thank you update to all of you.

Maybe those things aren’t so little either.

These changes seemed to happen slowly and almost imperceptibly as well. By day six, to be completely honest, I felt discouraged and like it wasn’t going to work. We were over halfway done and a transformation seemed nowhere in sight.

But things had started happening. And by the grace of God, things will continue to happen over the next few weeks, months, and years.

We have hope. Dreams. Ambitions. A plan. Tools. Resources. Experience. Friends. Support.

Life seems worth living again.

Every participant in the program was asked to write out a short synopsis of life before this program, what happened during, and what their changes will be. Michael has requested that you read his.

I could not be more proud of the work this boy, this young man, has put in to get to this place. Your continued prayers are so desired as he attempts to take what he learned and implement it now while also living a real life schedule.

(I’d share more pictures of him during the program but I didn’t take any… only using the phone for one hour a day wasn’t too hard, but not having my camera was!)

Michael’s Testimony:

“My life before the Depression Recovery Program was very boring. I felt lonely, empty and disappointed in myself. I didn’t do much, just school, church, and sports when I wasn’t injured.

When I came to the Depression Recovery Program, I thought the people here were weird, and I wanted to go home right away. But as I continued in the program, I started to learn things about myself and the other participants. I learned to let go of my father and separate who he was from who I thought God was. I also learned better ways of thinking, and to change my core beliefs about me and the way I saw the world. And I made some great friends. I also learned, as my counselor would say, I need to get a life. 😂

What I want to change in my life is the way I think, and to spend my time doing real things and doing helpful things for me and others.

What I want to tell people is that this program has helped me a lot and I am glad for all the information so that I can help myself to get out and stay out of depression.

Thank you. ❤️”

To those that helped financially and with prayers and in all the other ways, Michael adds:

“Thank you so much for all of ur contributions to helping me go u have forever changed my life.”