The Waiting Walk

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. My Facebook feed is flooded with stats and stories as well as resources. Keep in mind that not all abuse is physical. So many stories are of women (often from conservative Christian backgrounds) who spent years in an abusive relationship and couldn’t even have told you that it was abusive. They just knew something was wrong, and that they were slowly having the life crushed out of them. Unfortunately, turning to the church often made it so much worse instead of better. If the people they had turned to had just been AWARE of what forms abuse can actually take, maybe their stories would have included getting to safety much more quickly.

So I want to share a new resource for not only people in abusive situations, but for EVERYONE. Especially for people in positions where they could help, like pastors, teachers, ministry leaders, or anyone else that a person might turn to in hard times. And it’s free!

itsaredflag.com/know

But there’s an observation I’d like to make as well. I saw this fact again recently but I’ve seen/heard it before. A common denominator for people who do well after hard things is having support. So whether it is a situation with domestic violence, a financial crisis, a divorce, the loss of a loved one, sickness, or anything else that can be categorized as a major negative life event, a huge factor in determining whether they came through with strength and resilience or were crushed under the weight of the load was whether or not they had a support network.

Another factor was mindset. Choosing to see the positive, to make the good choice, to get up each morning, to plan for and expect a brighter future – people who were able to do these things are able to function better and recover more quickly than others.

But support. Support is something that mostly comes from outside. Yes, I can choose, sometimes, to go to places that have supportive people. But sometimes even that is beyond my control. We don’t choose our parents. So if our parents are not supportive, there goes a huge “given” for most people. Work environment – this is sometimes completely beyond our control because paying the bills really isn’t optional and switching jobs might not work. So if that environment is not a supportive one, there goes another huge component of our lives. Friends are another one – hopefully we all have a few friends who are there for us no matter what. But depending on life circumstances, the friends we have may have moved away from us, or we moved away from them. And now there’s no one we can lay eyes on that we feel truly “gets” us. Where else would a person get support?

Church would be another major area where we SHOULD be able to find support. But here again, depending on the circumstances, support may not be so easy to come by. Some churches are just there to look good. As long as everyone comes to service and dresses nice, sings well, and can stand around afterwards offering small talk, it’s all great. But then when life gets messy, when the job is gone and finances are tight, or the marriage is failing, or someone is sick, what does the church do then? Some will so helpfully offer to pray for you. But how helpful is that really when we are getting evicted, we need childcare to be able to spend time in the hospital, or the electricity has been shut off to the house? The church most definitely should be the hands and feet of Jesus, but too often that feels too messy and so support from the “body of Christ” is not really available when the effects are sin are being felt the hardest.

But the church, the body of Christ, isn’t some entity out there.

It is us. You. Me. Individuals who say we follow Jesus.

Support is where you and I come in.

Support is something we can offer to those in our circles.

Yes, it’s complicated. Yes, we don’t want to enable a whole lot of unlovely qualities in people. But if we are honest, a whole lot of the time we use that as an excuse to say no and walk away, when we should use that as a reason to draw near and actually understand the situation better.

Messy, I know.

Friends, I cannot even begin to explain and tell and relay to you how essential support is to someone who is going through a hard time. If you’ve been there, you know. But even then sometimes, we forget.

When grieving a loss of a loved one, of a marriage, of a career. When struggling to find financial footing. When feeling doubts about life and God press down so hard that we can barely breathe. Having someone walk through that WITH you? There is no amount of money in the world that can even begin to compare with how valuable that support is.

I am grateful that much of what I write about above, I share on a cognitive level rather than having necessarily been there.

But I have walked through my own storm.

One year ago the storm was raging, and I was sinking…

But now? I am so happy with my life. Healthy. At peace. Content. Excited about the future. Secure.

What made the difference?

Support.

I had the support of my family.

I had the intense, daily support of a few trusted friends who I asked to walk with me through the storm.

I had the support of several amazing pastors in multiple churches that I still claim as mine and know I am fully welcome there anytime.

I had a village who stepped in on every level when my life turned upside down – financial, practical help, emotional support, wisdom, prayers. People who had “been there” came alongside, and I had no idea they’d traveled this road before.

I had a host of coworkers who didn’t know details but knew I needed a little extra grace and prayers and provided that on a daily basis.

I really wish I could look you in the eyes right now and make sure you’re hearing me down deep in your soul – the only reason I am emotionally and physically and financially where I am today is because I was fully supported on all these levels.

I would still be climbing out of several pits if it were not for this support.

So thank you.

And also, please don’t stop with me.

There are so many others out there who just need to know they are not alone. To know that after grief comes life – albeit with a different perspective on everything. After financial ruin happiness and stability can return. After relationships crumble, peace and happiness will still always come from God. We need to hear this and feel this and see this in action.

And sometimes we need groceries and childcare and meals and a shoulder to cry on.

Support will look different in each situation. But if we really are followers of Christ, it is our duty to seek to provide what we can, as God has provided for us.

Becoming educated on and preparing in these areas is a way to be ready to offer the support as it is needed. Some people budget a fund just for helping others as the Spirit guides them. Taking a class on how to support someone during grief and loss is a great idea. Budgeting time into our schedules that makes it possible for us to sit and listen and pray with someone is a gift that will bless not only that person, but you as well.

Educating ourselves on destructive relationships and how to offer advice that will actually help or at least won’t hurt is another really, really good idea.

So since it is October and Domestic Violence Awareness Month, maybe that is something you want to check into. It isn’t even a financial investment. Just time. Time that could literally save a life at some point down the road.

itsaredflag.com/know

This is my goal. I have been so blessed, so supported. I want to return that blessing and be a support to whoever God brings into my life. In preparation for that, I am spending time in the Word, and time in the research, to make sure that I have something to offer.

Join me?